 Want an e-mail when there's something new? Join the e-mail news list today! selected writing From Ramallah to Rikers Island (Part 5) HITTING THE GROUND AND MEANING IT
17 February 2007 — There's a line in the Bruce Cockburn song "Dialogue With The Devil"[1] that goes "He knows how hard it is, to hit the ground and mean it," that has been reverberating the last couple of days. Tonight, I got to hear how messed up my business has become, and tomorrow I get to bury my home, something I have done before under different circumstances.
"That's what happens to everyone at some point in here," says B, a 39-year-old African American man, "They lose their job, their place to live." Once you're inside the system, everything outside starts to fall apart. Of course, it's hard to see this process happening to you and its especially hard to not be there for the burial. Tomorrow, a friend is coming to visit, of which the whole point is to discuss his packing and moving me out of my home in my absence. I am letting most things go to make it easier on us both. A fresh start with a new, clean slate is probably where it's at after a life-changing experience like this. It's good to periodically get in touch with your inner wanker and put the bastard to death before moving on. When I think back to what my New York apartment represented—my attempt to build a new life under my own steam after Minnesota, it's strangely good to let go of it. No ties. No baggage. Where next? I had really hoped it would be New York, but it's going to be quite a while before I get back on track again. It took four-and-a-half years to recover from the drunk driver whose unexpected rear-ending of a vehicle I was sitting in at traffic lights with my ex-wife signaled the beginning of the end of our marriage. This will take the same time, at least. If that's the way it's going to go down this time round, how much more important is it this time to strip it down to the bare essentials.
18 February 2007 — On the other hand, when I think about it, it felt like I was moving through life with just the bare essentials. After my marriage dissolved in Minnesota, I packed what I needed into a van and headed for New York. I didn't pack crap. In the year and a half since I arrived in Harlem, in mid 2005, I only invested in things that would get me out of debt and were essentials to business – camera and computer equipment – not luxuries or furniture. I thought I was keeping it simple and smart but I had forgotten what was inside.
And all this focus on earnings potential and portfolio marketability was working. On both these external levels I had reached ledges of rest and a plateau for future operations, just before Christmas 2006. Welcome to Basecamp New York!
And for good reason, so that you build better foundations in there the next time around. Life is all about balance. If the tale of Christmas fire in this series from the U.S. penal system is doing its job, we are getting to the point, which is realizing that the world's notion about what "the right thing for you", about its agenda and its timetable, is not your own—or God's for that matter. While I rushed to get my ducks in a row, I failed to notice the graceful swan swimming directly towards me. It was singing a song of loneliness and desire and longing across the water, and I was deaf to its beautiful music. I needed to be on a different timetable for my healing. I needed to be spending more time with friends, and less time working.
I needed to be spending more time chasing squirrels in the park with the Roo Dog, instead of expanding to offer new areas of Internet service that weren't that interesting, or creative, and were time-consuming and stressful. I needed to be listening to my heart, instead of spending too much time in the summer wars of Electronic Lebanon and the Electronic Intifada.
Firstly, it reminds me to be more gentle with those things around me which are going through their own painful processes. Secondly, it encourages me not to forget to let loose or, in plain English: 1. Never forget mercy. You will most likely need it next. 2. Party like a rock star. GO TO "FROM RAMALLAH TO RIKERS ISLAND" (PART 6) Endnotes 1. http://cockburnproject.net/songs&music/dwtd.html [Back to where you left off] GO TO "FROM RAMALLAH TO RIKERS ISLAND" (PART 6) more from this section  • Unreasonable Search and Seizure (Sunday, June 1st, 2008)  • From Ramallah to Rikers Island (Part 1) (Tuesday, April 1st, 2008) |
      
 FROZEN MINNESOTA gifts
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